r/WhitePeopleTwitter
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u/vpuetf
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13d ago
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What will Trump's prison nickname be?
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u/IsThereCheese
13d ago
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Creamsicle
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u/anonymousonreddit19 13d ago •
Orange is the new orange.
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u/DiscoStu2U 13d ago
:3147:
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u/Raunchiness121 13d ago •
Peaches
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u/Superfluffyfish 13d ago
Simple yet elegant in it’s use, easy to remember…
I love it
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u/AdRemote9464 13d ago
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u/NK_2024 13d ago
This peach got me actin unwise....
What? It's my favorite fruit, and I'm trying to cut down on sugars. What were you thinking you pervs?
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u/StonkyBrewster 13d ago
I think he’s going to turn bright white if there aren’t any tanning beds in prison…
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u/TraditionalMood277 13d ago
"spray tan guns
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u/WhizmoAlke 13d ago
I genuinely get upset that I give myself a better spray tan in my garage than a billionaire gets. Gonna be interesting when the tan fades after a week. A good spray would fade naturally after about 10 days but that's not a good spray 🤣
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u/FittedSheets88 13d ago edited 12d ago
When the spray tan fades and he becomes ghostly white, that's when his followers and the Q crowd will start claiming that he isn't the REAL Donald, just a paid actor. Guarantee.
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u/Fit-Rest-973 13d ago
What about his hair?
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u/ComputerStrong9244 13d ago
"Hair", as in singular. He takes his one, 900ft long hair and weaves it lovingly like a wicker basket every morning.
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u/Agile_District_8794 13d ago •
I always imagined more of a cotton candy machine type maneuver under one of them old school curler chairs at the salon.
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u/Getmeasippycup 13d ago
As a hairdresser, this is the best dis on his hair I’ve ever read! I nearly spat out my coffee! If I had an award to give I’d give you one! 🥇
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u/jacobin17 13d ago
The weasel that he coerced to live on his head didn't do anything wrong so he'll have to find a new home somewhere else.
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u/Spirited-Lime96 13d ago
Can’t wait for his first prison haircut! I kinda hope they misunderstand him and give him a buzz cut or a flat top cut because he will end up looking like a used q-tip head.
He will be white as a sheet probably after 2 weeks and I predict he will be caught paying someone on kitchen detail to snuggle him some aluminum foil and be found in the Rec Yard with Crisco or lard smeared on his face and neck desperately trying to achieve a suntan since commissary doesn’t sell military grade self tanner.
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u/Rob_153 13d ago
Goddamnit. Never reading comments while swishing mouthwash again..
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u/Ishidan01 13d ago
But your nose has never been cleaner
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u/nature_remains 13d ago
And the mirror needed a good splash of germs and anti-germ solution to tie the room together.
It’s actually the latest trend in high-end bathroom decor right now. Even Kim Kardashian has employed this aesthetic as the colorful focal point in her new home’s master bathroom. It’s quaint because poor people make it (although in her case, the work was commissioned from a highly sought after spit artist gargling the finest, most unethically sourced crushed blood-diamond serum).
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u/DickInABox4You 13d ago
Orange Julious
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u/Magical_Savior 13d ago
If he was an Orange Julius, why are we past the Ides of March.
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u/OMGagravyboat 13d ago
I said same thing a few minutes after so deleted. Orange all over and soon to be filled with a creamy center.
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u/soapinthepeehole 13d ago
He’s going to look naked in an orange jump suit.
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u/suckercuck 13d ago
Like an orange Teletubby
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u/QuintupleTheFun 13d ago
Oh my....he looks exactly like his mother in this pic 🤮
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u/SeaOkra 13d ago
Man, it was such a trip the first time I saw a pic of Mary Trump. I had to go google more before I was fully convinced it wasn’t just Trump photo shopped into drag. That is a STRONG family resemblance.
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u/Intelligent-Fuel-641 13d ago
Oh, god, I forgot about that photo where his foundation line was so obvious, and so orange. What a damn clown.
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u/MandalorianManners 13d ago
Like khaki leggings on white girls with a light tan!
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u/Important_Farmer924 13d ago
Melts in your mouth.
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u/Inner_Doctor5987 13d ago
That's ok, I didn't need to eat anyways. I definitely wasn't hungry before reading that. No sir, not me.
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u/ptcashier 13d ago
You realize that they have to remove all that makeup and his toupee for a mugshot. I imagine he’ll be known as “Grand Master” to the white supremacists.
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u/FunnyVariation2995 13d ago
OMG! I'd love to see his mugshot w/out the rug!
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u/carigobart648 13d ago
He had an old fashioned scalp surgery… if it were a rug it would look better (especially when you’re rich)
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u/DevCatOTA 13d ago edited 13d ago
It's a weave. The guy who did it originally and does all of the maintenance has/had an office just a couple of floors below trump's office in his tower. At one point, trump became his only client.
https://www.gawker.com/is-donald-trump-s-hair-a-60-000-weave-a-gawker-invest-1777581357
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u/DasSassyPantzen 13d ago
I cannot believe that I now know more about trump’s hair than my own. 😐
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u/crazyparrotguy 13d ago
Wait so a hair transplant? Don't those generally look less...bad? Also I thought that was the expensive option. 🤔
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u/Fish_Slapping_Dance 13d ago
This is the story that Ivana Trump told in a book:
Trump got advise to have surgery on his scalp for hair plugs by Ivana, his ex. He got it done, but it looks awful, and Trump claimed that it was painful. He was so angry about the botched job that he ripped out a chunk of her hair and then violently raped her, according to her deposition in 1990. She has told this story. The violent rape ended their marriage. Trump is an abuser.
Ivana has since recanted her story, presumably to get a better settlement in the divorce. She got 14 million for her recanting of the story.
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u/gyarrrrr 13d ago
And then she fell down some stairs and he buried her under a golf course. Pretty standard stuff really.
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u/maureen__ponderosa 13d ago
She was cremated.
big ol casket just to hold an urn. Big ol heavy casket.
almost makes ya wonder, what ever happened to all those missing classified documents that were never recovered.
There’s a body under them fairways, i reckon. A body of evidence
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u/sgtpepper220 13d ago
Next time on Arrested Development
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u/TheUselessLibrary 13d ago
Everyone: "I've made a huge mistake."
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u/sgtpepper220 13d ago
Going off topic but...
Trump: I love all my children equally
Trump (earlier): I don't care for Eric...
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u/JoeyJoeJoeSenior 13d ago
No. Before transplant technology they simply cut off the bald part and stretched the hairy parts together. No I am not kidding.
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u/OkCaregiver517 13d ago
Do that in the right direction and you get a face lift too.
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u/lapsedPacifist5 13d ago
Do it enough and you'll get a weird looking goatee beard even if you're a woman.
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u/Fit-Rest-973 13d ago
Who knows how long ago he got it done?
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u/Catsandcamping 13d ago
He got it done when he was still married to Ivana. It didn't turn out as well as he would have liked, so he physically attacked her, very violently. You can Google it, but if you do, be warned that it contains her account of the SA and other physical violence.
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u/DragonflyScared813 13d ago
To paraphrase Bill Burr regarding hair transplants: he probably got a transplant when they were stapling ant legs to your head.
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u/TangerineTassel 13d ago
he does a long hair and hair sprays illusion-like crappy combover. That's why when the wind blows it lifts it up and you see a bald bitch underneath
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u/Cheese_B0t 13d ago
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u/pjanic_at__the_isco 13d ago
Like Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper had an angry, bald baby.
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u/CumulativeHazard 13d ago
I actually don’t want to see him without the wig and makeup bc it sounds super gross, but I know the fact that people are seeing him like that will make him furious, so I’m willing to put my eyeballs through that torture for the greater good.
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u/Robinhood4real 13d ago
It's going to be shocking for sure. Like Dan Akroid's character in Nothing but Trouble.
Pale. Weak. Fake. The republican party in a nutshell.
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u/ColeBane 13d ago
you realize this is why he wants his maga to riot...that is the true reason.
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u/Negative_Piglet_1589 12d ago
I've been thinking this. Terrified for a very real, personal & vainglorious reason. He's probably not even worried about what may happen in prison.
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u/Tungstenkrill 13d ago
He's going to blend in with the orange jump suits.
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u/ptcashier 13d ago
Like camouflage! I wonder how much he’ll have to pay a guy to smuggle bronzer rectally to keep up appearances?
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u/IAmAnObvioustrollAMA 13d ago
From the looks of things he's been using butthole bronzer for ages...
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u/LadyOfTheLakeMi 13d ago
Diaper Don.
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u/Important_Farmer924 13d ago
"That prag who waddles like an angry penguin".
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u/Altruistic-Text3481 13d ago
The waddles on Trump’s turkey neck which is characteristic of a stuffed turkey. I do,however, understand the confusion with an angry penguin.
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u/larry-the-dream 13d ago
I’m a diaper dan man!
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u/justintheunsunggod 13d ago
Hey, that movie is golden, don't besmirch it with such a negative association.
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u/CoralSpringsDHead 13d ago
Will they let him wear his diapers in prison?
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u/mgyro 13d ago •
Diaper Don, what’s that colour you have on Could it be the same shade as your tan spray And did I hear you say The rednecks would your diapered ass save While you flailed waiting for Vlad To bring it all down
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u/Altruistic-Text3481 13d ago
Is this Trump’s Presidential portrait?
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u/gogor
13d ago
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Bitch.
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u/High_Speed_Chase 13d ago
From experience, this term carries significant weight while incarcerated. If you’re gonna call someone a bitch, you better be ready to throw down & swing like your life depended on it.
Also, if you’re called a bitch with defending yourself, the ridicule will either continue until you snap & try (to fight) or snap & cry. Either way, it’s a nightmare.
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u/PoorPauly 13d ago
I’m willing to bet he’d flee to Russia before actually going to jail. Flee, trade state secrets, suck Putin’s tiny tiny balls. What ever it took to stay out of prison yet again.
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u/redfox2008 13d ago edited 13d ago
nah. secret service has to have him hemmed up. instead of being there to protect him, they are there to protect us. He isn't going anywhere with US secrets.
what a nightmare that would be...him in Russia running his mouth about any and everything.
Edit to add. It would be even worse if he was just making shit up and lying which we know he does constantly.
IMHO it is not about whether he paid attention to or was even given our intel but that he is willing to say anything to serve himself, Putin and anyone that furthers his agenda. The useful puppet until he’s not…
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u/HippySheepherder1979 13d ago
Fairly sure he already sold everything he remembered/stole/made up.
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u/dwimber 13d ago
Fortunately he never paid attention to anything briefings, so he probably doesn't know 1% of what a normal person would have retained from 4 years in office.
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u/valvilis 13d ago
I'm sure the joint chiefs and the agency heads made sure to tell him as little as possible while he was in office. He has always been an OPSEC liability, even before he was looking to flee.
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u/TheMikeGolf 13d ago
It was even easier than that… he didn’t even want briefings at all. And on the rare occasion that he did, they’d send a marine in to explain things in crayon. The secret service would have their work cut out for them making sure neither TFG or the marine ate the crayon.
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u/Maeberry2007 13d ago
You forget the secret service likely has plenty of people on his "side." Pence wouldn't get in the car with them, Biden is extra vigilant about what he says with them in the room.
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u/BonghitsForBeavis 13d ago
and Biden's otherwise well behaved dog snapped at or bit one in the first year IIRC.
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u/SenchaBaby 13d ago
Inmate #754484
Make it sting. Make him as anonymous as possible.
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u/Monsur_Ausuhnom 13d ago
Shut the f*ck up Donnie!
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u/Shopping-Afraid 13d ago
You're out of your element Donnie!
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u/MacSanchez 13d ago
No no he’ll be right where he’s supposed to be
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u/Shopping-Afraid 13d ago
Yes, he belongs there. But he will certainly be waaaay out of his element. Just imagine uber rich Trump with no sense of what real society is like (let alone prison) in prison.
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u/Polls-from-a-Cadet 13d ago
Remember…. No bronzer or hair stylist for him. He’s gonna look like woody Harrelson in kingpin lol
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u/Triviajunkie95 13d ago
If he isn’t immediately released until trial.
I expect the circus of the arrest to happen, then he’ll be under house arrest or something similar until trial. There’s no way he stays there.
I hope he does, but I doubt it.
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u/Petroldactyl34 13d ago •
Single cell his ass and cut him off from the outside world. Isolation cuts off the water for a narcissist. No one to manipulate. No one to lord it over. No outlet. No stage. No bail. Only trial time. Even at that, the dumb motherfucker is gonna rack up calendars worth of contempt charges. He will wither before our eyes. He deserves to break like no one else. He's been a scourge for far too long. We all deserve to see him break.
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u/jesterbaze87 13d ago
It wouldn’t take long before he would start to sound like Charles Manson at the end of his career if you isolated him. He would wither quickly with no attention.
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u/rcmp_informant 13d ago
How fuckin cool would it be if he posed enough of a danger (because of his followers behaviour) to be denied bail. And then get this… sent to rikers. Is that shit still open? Send him there.
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u/L_H_O_O_Q_ 13d ago
The man has a private plane, money, and ties to Russia. I would say that makes him a flight risk. No bail.
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u/nyclovesme 13d ago
I’d like to quote an older rap song “You might be chillin’ You might be stylin’ But you won’t be smilin’ On Rikers island”
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u/No-Diamond-5097 13d ago
Pump N Dump Trump
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u/bit_hodler 13d ago
Agent Orange.
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u/Tashum 13d ago
Did you know that vets who were around that were much more likely to have children with cancers like leukemia? Fucked up. Not a bad nick name tho. )
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u/geaseonthelease 13d ago
orange is the new black
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u/Infidel_sg 13d ago
All jokes aside, This cocksucker will never see the inside of an actual prison! If he were to actually go, It'll definitely be one of those prisons reserved for white collar criminals, Club fed! Those guys don't do the same time as blue collar criminals!
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u/Embarrassed-Noise-12 13d ago
Guys, these are great names! I'm dying from laughter. Champagne for everyone when he gets arrested. 🍾🥂
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u/CumulativeHazard 13d ago
I’m gonna pull out the good crystal. It’s a special fucking occasion.
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u/Glittering_Sundae_53 13d ago
Cotton Candy Clementine.
The cotton candy is for the hair. As for the clementine, well, his skin is the color of an orange and he’s shaped like one too.
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u/nzstrawman 13d ago
crybaby
just imagine being his cell buddy, and all fucking day and night he's a whinging crybaby....oh hang on, it's what the world has had to put up with since 2020, we don't have to imagine that
hey cell mate, “He got a real purty mouth ain’t he”
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u/Responsible_Author_7 13d ago •
The Fanta Menace